if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
