I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
