i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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