Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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