3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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