I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
