my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
