everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
