Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize