I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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