I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
