respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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