Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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