that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
