we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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