I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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