just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
