Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
