I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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