i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
