Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
