you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
