He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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