I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
