i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
