Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
