Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
