Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
