There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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