i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
