You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
