i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
