I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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