i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
