...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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