I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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