You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
