The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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