Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
