Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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