He uses pillows to masturbate.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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