I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
