it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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