I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
