I love black thongs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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