I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
