I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
