The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
