During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
