i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
