just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
