New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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