U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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