Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
