Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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