Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
