dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
