Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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