He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
