You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
