Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
