Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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