Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
