2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
