Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
