I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
