I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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