shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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