got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
