I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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