Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
stop calling my apartment porn island.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
