OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
